Not Safe for Use as Sunglasses
by PoodlesandNoodles
Summary: Nothing could possibly be more intresting then Naruto's lame life, considering it revolves around his lame job at Toys R Us. Oh and then there's Sasuke Uchiha, the new guy at work who doesn't know how to do anything but be an Ass hole.....hmm sunglasses?


Ok So it's beeen a while since I posted any stories up on fan fiction, but I'm glad to be back. My other story (How To Woo an Ice Prince in Ten Days) was deleted and I guess that whole problem really just prohibited me from posting more stories up. In other words I did my own miniature boycott.

This story, how can I put this, will be good. I love writing comedies and that's basically what this story is going to be: a comedy with a dash of drama and angst. Um this story isn't a romance so there will be no pairings, but the story will be centered on Naruto and Sasuke's relationship; so you can take it as you want it, but don't expect there to be anything beyond a hug. I might put in a little friendship fluff though so…. Yeah! It's all about subtext baby!

Disclaimer: No owe

Summary: For Naruto, all it took was one summer. One summer to form a deep friendship. One summer to destroy it, but then rebuild it back up again, And one summer to find out that his life revolved around Toys R Us and all the other stores that rivaled it.

AN: anything _Italicized _is going to be an inner thought of a character.

There also might be a few grammar slip ups. Forgive me, I will correct them later.

_**Not Safe for Use as Sunglasses**_

_Ch1._

_**Customer Service. **_

* * *

"Good afternoon ma'm. How may I help you?" Naruto sighed heavily. He was cursed, cursed with a job forged from the pits of hell.

"Do you see this? This isn't what I ordered!"

And the devil himself was standing upon his thrown laughing and snorting, content with basking in Naruto's misery.

"What, exactly, is the problem ma'm?" He asked the big Chested woman who stood scowling in front of the Customer Service desk.

The lady glared and tsk'd at Naruto, as if she expected him to already know the details of her problem.

The blonde shrugged, waiting for some kind of explanation.

"I ordered Mouse Trap from your bogus catalog two weeks ago, but this is what I got!" The lady shoved the board game into the middle of Naruto's chest.

" ow ," Naruto mumbled while grabbing the game. _That hurt_! He thought to himself. He stared at the lady accusingly. Why was it that whenever he worked Customer Service uppity pricks and crazy, middle-aged women seemed to be the only ones who needed his assistance.

"Well?" The lady asked while extending her neck. It made her look stiff and uptight.

Naruto looked down at the cover of the game. There were polar bears balancing themselves on, what appeared to be, ice cubes? Naruto squinted his eyes. "Don't Break the Ice." He half whispered. That was the title of the game.

"That's not mouse trap!" The lady yelled.

"Good observation captain obvious." Naruto growled sarcastically. What was it about Customer Service that drove people up the wall? The blonde scratched his head. Or was it he himself who drove people up the wall?

"So what are you going to do about this?" The lady asked interrupting Naruto's thoughts.

Naruto scratched the back of his neck, as the lady angrily crossed her arms over her, huge chest. What the hell was she expecting! Honestly, there wasn't much that Naruto could do. But if he didn't do something, he was more than sure the lady would blow a blood vessel….. "Well, right now, the only thing I can do is have you sign this item exchange list." He answered, while handing the lady a clip board and a pen. "I'm not sure what'll happen after that, but I'm assuming that sometime……… soon, you'll get a call to come pick up a true game of Mouse Trap," a small amused smiled formed on his lips, "and not, Don't Break the Ice." He added. If you thought about it, the whole situation was kind of comical. How does one mistake the game of Mouse Trap for Don't Break the Ice. The two games were nothing alike. Heck, even the titles were blatantly different.

Mouse Trap

Don't Break the Ice.

There's no comparison.

The Lady stared at Naruto, her eyes ablaze with dancing flames of gold and hazel. The left side of her lip curled up, and she snarled like a wild bobcat. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" She shrieked.

Naruto blinked several times until his eyes were practically fluttering open and shut. He was half shocked, half pissed, and completely confused. "I'm sorry, but I don't understand." He said, irritation and anger lacing his voice. "What did you hear that was so dumb?"

The Lady scoffed before she gave a sarcastic cackle. "An item exchange list?" She asked, her hands resting on her hips. "What's keeping you from moving your little ass from your little post and retrieving me a game of mouse trap right now!" She exploded. Her fair cheeks were turning red. Anger was getting the best of her.

Naruto's eyes morphed into slits. He absolutely **hated** rude customers, and boy, was this lady rude. She was beginning to step completely over the line, and Naruto made sure to take notice, because once she stepped over, Naruto would not be held responsible for his actions. "I-I'm sorry." he stuttered, "but-"

"You stupid Brat! That's it! I want to see your manager!" The woman yelled, while slamming her purse onto the counter.

_Great, _Naruto thought, _she pulled the manager card._ There was nothing he could do now, and if he chewed the busty bitch out now, he'd more than likely lose his job. Naruto sighed defeated. He couldn't afford to lose his job! He needed the money. Money bought him clothes and ramen and those really cool multi colored toothpicks. Nope, it wouldn't be worth it.

"I can't stand the nerve of people these days." The lady suddenly mumbled, talking to no one in particular. Naruto glared at her. "I mean, who in their right mind would higher a lowlife like you?" She continued, only now she was looking at Naruto and addressing him personally. "You can't even do something as simple as going and getting me a game of mouse trap!" Her eyes flashed. "Consider today to be the last day you'll be working here; I'm totally getting you fired."

Naruto blinked. "Excuse me." He said. This lady wasn't serious "You're not being serious."

Oh, but she _**was**_ being serious. Without thinking twice, the Lady leaned over the counter and grabbed the pager from it's dial. When she leaned back, she pulled the cord almost making it snap.

"Hey, you can't do that!" Naruto protested, but he was completely ignored.

"Hello is this thing on?" The woman tapped the device with the palm of her hand. It gave a shrill cry that resounded throughout the whole store.

Naruto immediately covered his ears.

"What the hell!" The lady cried, before she threw the pager back over the desk.

It was over now. Naruto's top had officially been blown! He glared fiercely at the lady. He was tired of being the center of everyone's malice. Today would be the last day he'd let some crazy person use him as a verbal and mental punching bag! A growl slipped passed his lips. He couldn't second guess himself. If he was going to say what was on his mind, he'd have to do it now, otherwise he'd punch the lady standing before him in the face, and well, he 'd go to jail for that. "Listen Lady, I don't know what your deal is but don't take your menopause caused aggression out on me!"

The lady's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to retaliate, but Naruto wasn't finished.

"We don't have any more games of Mouse Trap in stock right now, but even if we did I sure as hell would never leave my _little_ post to retrieve you one!"

The big chested woman didn't respond. She only stared at Naruto as he breathed heavily behind the counter. "So what are you implying?" She finally asked.

Naruto smirked, but his eyes were still glaring. "I wouldn't think of what I'm saying as an implication, but more of a declaration." Naruto slammed his hands onto the counter. "Try buying the game of Mouse Trap somewhere else; because I, at this point, will not refrain from **totally biting your head off!" **

"……**.?"**

In that moment the whole world seemed to stop.

_Who is this Kid? _The lady thought, as she pulled her purse back onto her shoulder. She looked frazzled, apparently unaware that Naruto had some back bone.

"You put up a good fight." She spoke. Slowly her frazzled expression faded, and it was replaced with a stern smirk. "But it's not over." She added. "No, this battle has just begun." Naruto cocked an eyebrow as the lady pulled sunglasses out of her purse and slipped them onto her face. "The name's Tsunade." She said as she smoothed out her green tank top and dusted off her khaki capris. "Don't think I won't be back. I ordered the game of mouse trap from _**Toys R Us's**_ catalog, and I expect to get it when it comes." Tsunade grabbed the item exchange list and signed her name in big, cursive letters. "I'll be back in three days. If my game isn't here," Tsunade smirked but her tone was serious, "not only will you lose your job but you'll lose your life as well."

Naruto rolled his eyes. He wasn't scared.

"And that's a promise brat, because mama doesn't make threats." Tsunade added as she turned and sauntered away .

Naruto watched Tsunade until she was completely out of sight. "One crazy person down who knows how many more to go." He slowly strolled over to the chair near the computer and sat down. His body seemed to melt into the frame. "I hate my job" he spoke to himself. But did he really have the right to complain? It was the crazy people who made his job…….interesting, and there's nothing worse than having a boring job. Naruto shuddered. He believed in death caused by boredom, and the thought of it gave him chills. Pushing off with his feet, he propelled himself into the middle of his work space. The wheels of the chair squeaked as they rolled across the floor. Still, another point crossed his mind, dealing with fanatical people was stressful. Surely, he would develop high blood pressure from all the times he's had to deal with shoppers throwing demands down his throat. Naruto groaned as he massaged the sides of his head. He really loved ramen and those colorful toothpicks. If he didn't, he'd be chilling at home playing guitar hero and not suffering from the crazy trivialities of psychotic people.

--

For hours, at least that's what it felt like, Naruto sat rotting behind the Customer Service counter. After Tsunade's "little" scene, not one person had stopped by to ask for help. "I'm so bored." Naruto drawled. Death seemed right around the corner. Boredom had crept on him while he wasn't paying attention, and now he was about to bite the dust.

"What up Uzamaki!" Kiba greeted. He jogged up to Naruto's desk, an impish grin gracing his lips.

Naruto immediately fell out of his daze and stared at the dog-like brunette with a tired expression on his face. "Hey Kiba." He replied. The blonde used his leg to push himself to where the guy was standing. "What do you want?" He asked curtly. It was obvious Kiba was up to no good, that, or he was in the mood to be extremely annoying.

"Do you know what caused that loud screeching noise earlier?"

Naruto tensed but covered it up with a shrug. "I ain't got a clue." He lied pretending to be oblivious and apathetic.

Kiba's eyes narrowed. "Well, some old dude's hearing aid just about exploded in his ear because of it."

Naruto's eyes widened. He turned and shook his head. "Only in my life." He mumbled.

"What?" Kiba leaned forward. "I didn't catch that."

"Nothing." Naruto quickly replied. "How……….?" His mouth stayed open as he searched for the right words to form his question.

"The pitch of the noise did something….. weird." Kiba answered, ignoring Naruto's futile attempt to finish his question. "…It had something to do with frequencies too. I really don't know how to explain it- "

_I didn't expect you to know._ Naruto thought, as he rolled his eyes

"-but to make things short, the old guy wants to sue, unless……." Kiba suddenly stopped, for what Naruto thought to be a dramatic pause, "……There's a plausible explanation as to why the noise went off in the store." He finally added

"Well, I don't have a freaking clue Kiba." Naruto answered. He averted his eyes towards the computer finding it, in that moment, to be an extremely interesting piece of technology.

"Mmhmm." The brunette hummed, suspicion present in his tone. "I was talking to some of the customers before I came to talk to you, and I was asking them some questions about the noise that went off, and a lot them were saying that it probably had something to do with the screaming and yelling that was going on over here." A dog-grin slowly stretched pass Kiba's ears. "Mouse Trap. The yelling was about the game of Mouse Trap?" He stated more than he actually asked.

Naruto didn't reply.

"I was told to come check things out." Kiba paused then smirked, "or well, to come check **you** out." He said as he crossed his arms over his chest. Another dog-like grin covered his lips. Naruto observed it and glared.

"Well, tell the idiot who told you to come check up on me, that I don't know what caused that noise, and that it's not my fault lunatics flock here every time it's my turn to work Customer Service."

Kiba smirked. "I'll be sure to tell _**our boss**_just that. I'm sure he'll appreciate you calling him an idiot."

Naruto cocked an eyebrow. Kiba was such a moron. What was with him and putting emphasis on everything. It wasn't like Naruto couldn't understand him. "And I'm sure he'll appreciate the mess you made over by the barbie doll stand last week."

Kiba grimaced. His body stiffened and his face grew pale. He looked like someone who had just seen a ghost or a goblin. "You have no proof." He forced the sentence through his lips.

"Black light baby." Naruto answered. "Aisle three. Mini Detective kit. Ironic no? since you find it mighty fine to investigate me like I'm some sort of criminal."

"You wouldn't."

Naruto grabbed the pager and smirked, "try me", but only seconds later did he realize his mistake.

Kiba tilted his head to the side and growled.

Naruto's smirk didn't fade. He'd be an idiot if he backed out of his bluff, but on the inside he was panicking. One false move and he'd more than likely lose his job. Oh, and then there was the part where he could possibly be sued for everything he was worth.

Kiba clenched his fists.

Naruto slowly lifted the pager to his mouth. He wasn't sure how Tsunade caused the pager to make such a destructive noise, but if it went off again Naruto wouldn't know what to do.

"Alright. Cut it out man." Kiba finally backed down. "You know I was just messin with ya." He said grinning sheepishly.

Naruto quickly set the pager down. "Right," he replied sarcastically, "I knew that." The blonde tried not to look relieved, but the relief was obvious, and Kiba took a mental note of that.

The brunette scratched his chin then stared at Naruto for a good, thirty seconds.

Naruto stared back, and didn't blink once.

"Goodness gracious." Kiba finally sighed, dropping the investigator act.

The blonde smirked. _I think I just won. _He thought to himself.

"If you really don't know what caused that noise to go off, then I guess I can tell you what I really came here to tell you." Kiba grinned while leaning over the counter. "So I'm not supposed to be telling anyone this, but I'm not one for keeping secrets."

Naruto looked at Kiba, completely interested in what the idiot had to say. Kiba had the scoop on everything that went on in Toys R Us. Whether the scoop be big or small, Kiba always knew, and Naruto was always the first person he'd fill in, but only after annoying the blonde for at least two minutes. Naruto leaned forward and rested his chin in the palms of his hands. "I know this." he replied. "That's why I never tell you anything."

"Whatever," Kiba responded, ignoring Naruto's insult, "anyway there's going to be a new guy working with us this summer."

"A new guy?" Naruto questioned while strumming his fingers against his cheeks.

"Sasuke Uchiha." The brunette continued. "That's his name. Do you know him?"

"No"

"Shino quit." Kiba sighed.

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"Beats me." Kiba answered. "It sucks too, because Shino always played call of duty with me whenever I was on my break." The brunette frowned, genuinely upset. "The electronics just won't be the electronics without him working there."

Naruto nodded, but he could really care less. Shino never spoke to anyone, and when he did speak he only spoke about himself. Kiba seemed to be the only one who formed any sort of friendship with him. Naruto rolled his eyes. Shino not working in Toys R Us wasn't that big of a deal.

"You any good at call of duty?" Kiba asked.

"I might be." Naruto replied. He wasn't really into army games.

"You need to try it out." It's freaking awesome.

"I might." The blonde lied.

"You and I have the same break time right?"

Naruto stared at Kiba. "No." he answered simply. "We don't."

"Dang. well screw that then."

"Tell me more about this new guy." Naruto said, refocusing Kiba's train of thought

"Well," Kiba replied while turning and leaning his back against the desk, "I heard he's a total ass hole."

"Really?" Naruto cocked an eyebrow.

"He supposedly has bad social skills, he might even be insane."

"I doubt he's insane, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten a job here."

Kiba shrugged. "He's the brother of Kisame's best friend. That, in my opinion explains everything."

Naruto pursed his lips. Kisame was one of the packers. He either loaded or unloaded things from the trucks that would come to the back of the store. He was also a complete bastard. He worked with Sasori and Pain. All three of them were really shady, and they usually kept to themselves, unless they felt like teasing some of the younger employees.

"I'm assuming he's taking Shino's spot." Naruto asked.

"Actually," Kiba replied. "I'm not so sure."

Naruto sighed. "I hate working here."

"It's not so bad." Kiba said while folding his arms under his chest. "That new guy will probably hate it here." Naruto gazed up at Kiba and noticed that the dog-boy had a mischievous grin on his lips.

"What are you planning Kiba?" Naruto asked. Kiba had a knack for doing really retarded things.

"We should purposely make the new guy's first week here a living hell. Yeah." He stated as if he were confirming the idea in his mind. His hands made small gestures as he continued to talk. "We could make up some weird, initiation ceremony and make him do crazy things like, bob for baby-doll heads."

"Kiba." Naruto shook his head disapprovingly.

Come on. All of us have been working here for what now…… three years? This guy doesn't really expect to just fit in, right? he's going to have to work in order to take Shino's place."

Naruto tried not to laugh. He sat up straight while tucking his hands under his legs. "I think you're taking Shino's departure a little bit too hard buddy. He only quit, Kiba, he's not dead."

"He might as well be!" Kiba yelled as he dramatically turned himself to face Naruto.

Naruto rubbed the side of his head. He couldn't take anymore yelling.

"Summer's been here for a week." Kiba continued, his voice much softer now. "Let's just have a little fun. Come on Naruto you're always up for pulling pranks."

"Yeah, but the pranks I pull are clever, not stupid." He replied as he rolled his chair back and forth from the desk.

"Don't make me do it." Kiba said as his features slowly softened.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Do what?"

Slowly Kiba puckered his bottom lip causing a soft pout to form on his mouth.

Naruto folded his arms under his chest. "What the hell is this?" he asked.

"I'm not done." Kiba answered.

His features softened even more, until his face morphed into what Naruto figured to be a……"puppy face?" Naruto's eye's widened in mortification. "What. Is. This!" He cried while pushing himself as far a way from the desk as he possibly could.

Kiba blinked, his brown eyes unnaturally glossy.

"Ok dammit, I'll do it! Just please don't ever make that face again. I don't think I've ever witnessed anything so damn creepy!" Naruto trembled as he shook the picture out of his head.

"Works every time." Kiba snickered.

Naruto folded his hands behind his head and used his legs to walk the chair back to the desk. "Shut up!" Naruto replied. "I'll do it, but if this new guy is cool and well, likeable I'm out. This place is filled with losers and people who get on my nerves, and if someone normal finally comes along, I'd be damned If I scare him off because of your feelings for Shino."

"Dude," Kiba scoffed "Shino is my best friend!"

"Ok." Naruto smiled, but it was way to cheeky and way to condescending.

"Truck you ass hole!" Kiba replied as he walked off. "You just don't understand because you've never had a best friend!"

Naruto smirked but it wasn't sincere. "Truck you too, idiot." he sighed almost sadly, but only almost.

* * *

Peace, love, and N00DleS


End file.
